The Moment Has Arrived!

In my blog's very first poll, I asked my extremely humble followers what kind of felt hat is superior. Forgive me. I am aware that it has been difficult for many of you to breathe through the suspense. I am also aware that many of you left your spouses and quit your jobs as a means of monitoring the poll's progress constantly. I will not compensate you for your losses.

However, I am willing to tell you all the results. Your choices were:

The Top Hat

The Fedora

The Bowler Hat

I cannot choose

Needless to say, none of you could choose. I commend you. If I were placed in a life or death scenario and told to choose between those three hats, I would choose death so as to avoid offending any of the aforementioned hats!

Royal Wedding

I have risen from the dead to write more about hats. The Royal Wedding, otherwise the least entertaining event to have occurred in living memory, was filled with some of the most attractive headgear I have ever witnessed!

Upon realizing that clips from the wedding would be played in some of my classes during school, I sobbed relentlessly. "There will be no hats!" I lamented. However, even the greatest hat master in the Milky Way galaxy (me) makes mistakes!

Princess Beatrice is perhaps the most beautiful woman I have ever set my sights upon :)

Although I generally do not approve of commoners, this marriage called together some of the most tasteful hats of our generation. Many unenlightened peons criticize hats of an odd nature. This, however, is one of the most naive things that a person can do.

Despite the alleged positive outcomes of genetic diversity, I am outraged with Kate Middleton for her failure to wear an aesthetically pleasing hat to her own wedding. I almost renounced my spite upon seeing her "tiny crown". But alas! The "tiny crown" was a conspiracy created by the middle class in order to justify the marriage.

Though it may appear to be a real hat, do not be fooled my friends. The tasteful crown is not a tasteful crown at all, but rather it is a part of the carriage that they are riding on!

All in all, the Royal Wedding was a rousing success! Although this article has been poorly organized, I remain certain that I have taught you many things about hats!